Hoping for our baby girl.

It's funny to compare the way we got pregnant with Logan to the journey to getting pregnant with our baby girl.  With Logan, Zach and I hadn't been together very long and it was literally the first time we had sex (I know this for a fact).  We were also very young (19 and 21) and were not prepared to be parents at all.  In fact, I cried on the couch for a week when I found out I was pregnant (ask my brother).  But every time I think about it I'm actually amazed at how perfectly everything turned out for us.

Fast forward two years, we decided that we wanted another baby.  We started trying and immediately got pregnant, but shortly afterwards had an early miscarriage (about eight weeks).  It was hard, but we really didn't know what hard was at the time.  Looking back, I know that losing a baby is devastating, but I also know that it's the more common kind of hard.  It's not the kind of hard that happens when you go through something really awful.

The next one was a little bit worse.  We found out at eight weeks, via sonogram, that our pregnancy wasn't viable.  I guess since I'm kind of "crunchy" and didn't want to use drugs or surgery, I decided to let my body pass the pregnancy naturally.  I didn't expect it to take another four weeks before it finally came out, and all that time the sac had continued to grow.  All the while, I also had every symptom in the book of being pregnant, which made it really hard to accept that our baby was not alive.  It was a long twelve weeks, and after that I learned that having a miscarriage that far along is exactly as painful as labor.  And it lasted longer than labor with a nine pound baby.

After that, I never felt like my body was healed.  I didn't think we would be able to get pregnant again because of the way my body was.  I still felt like there was something wrong.  But about seven months later we were surprised to find out that we were pregnant again.  The first trimester I worried constantly, and was always running to the bathroom to check if I was bleeding.  But then I made it to 13 weeks.  After that I still wasn't convinced that it was still alive in there, which is why we waited until my next doctor appointment to announce the pregnancy.  We were very, very happy.   But it didn't last long.