Thank you.

This time of year, I see a lot of the Facebook posts that say "It was a great year, thank you for being a part of it."
This year has not been so great for a lot of people, including us.  Yes, almost exactly a year ago (December 23rd, 2013), we found out we were going to have one of our biggest blessings.  But I spent a lot of time in fear that we would lose our baby like we lost our other two angels.  And even though I didn't lose this pregnancy, I went through the loss of something that was much more difficult for me.  In April of this year (and the following 5 months) I grieved the loss of a "normal" pregnancy and having a "normal" baby.  From being around so many mothers and babies, I know that  mothers grieve the loss of many things.  Yes, there is pregnancy loss and the kind of loss that I suffered.  Some mothers even grieve over the loss of having the delivery they wanted, or the loss of being able to breastfeed their baby.  But not all of these mothers are as lucky as I am.
I've had endless support and prayer from amazing family, friends and awesome doctors.  And so I want to say that even though this was the most difficult year of my life, thank you for being a part of it!

A note for my Violet.

When Violet is old enough, I want her to be able to read this blog and try to understand how much I care for her and how I don't regret a single moment that she's been in our lives.  Our journey with her has been difficult, sometimes unbearably painful, but our world is also so much more beautiful with her in it, and now that she's here I couldn't imagine going one day without her in my life.

My precious Violet,
You've only been here for 3 short months, plus the 9 long ones that you were in my belly.  I truly believe that you were meant to accomplish such great things, and live such a beautiful life.  But even if nothing else, you have already taught me so much, and it's more than most people will do in their lifetime.
Firstly, you've taught me so see the beauty in all of God's creations.
You've taught me to love wholly, completely, and recklessly.  Without any fear of getting hurt.
You've taught me how to be truly and completely grateful.  Even when my heart feels broken and I don't know what to do with all the pain that I feel.  I still feel like the luckiest person on this planet!
You've taught me that compassion cannot exist without pain.
And most of all, you've taught me the true meaning of perfection.
You are so loved, my beautiful girl.  And I hope that one day you are able to see in yourself all that I see.  You are amazing and more beautiful than I can put into words.