Some thoughts.

If I can say that our baby girl has done one thing already, it's that she has definitely changed us.

I've gone through the past couple of weeks with ups and downs, hitting some pretty low points that I'm not proud of.  I've gone through shock, sadness, anger, fear, depression, and more.  I've had moments where I'm so scared of what we're facing that I don't want to face it.  I can't say the same for my amazing husband; there hasn't been one moment where he's wanted her any less.  I've also had a lot of moments of anger.  Sometimes for God and sometimes for other people.  I've hated every drug addicted, careless parent who manages to pop out ten perfectly healthy children, only to neglect to give them the love that they deserve.  But none of this does me or anyone else any good.

But since I'm having some positive thoughts this morning, I thought I'd better write them down so I can remember them later.

Like I said, I think that our daughter has already changed me.  I've learned to hold my baby boy a little bit tighter, and be a little more thankful for him (sorry for the cliche).  And I've learned to appreciate the beauty in everybody.  Not just the "inside" or "outside" beauty, but the pure, uncategorized beauty that is God's creation.  Especially in children.  For example, I think that a lot of times we see a child with Down Syndrome and we just see a child with Down Syndrome.  But now I can see the happiness, joy, love, beauty, and perfection of God's creation.  And I know I'll see all that and more in our baby girl when she's here.

Although I've tried to take this one day at a time, I've also spent a lot of days worrying about every single moment of the rest of my daughter's life.  About going to the pool, about being teased on the playground, about teenage boys not wanting to date her, about picking out a dress and shoes for her wedding, about getting out of bed twenty times per night to go to the bathroom when she's nine months pregnant.

But I can also see her overcoming everything.  Even if amputation is our best option.  I can see a beautiful, healthy, joyful, perfect little baby crawling around our apartment with no legs.  I can see a happy little girl running on the playground, and with pants on you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between her and the other kids; she's even proud of her legs.  Even though some kids might tease her, I can see other kids with big hearts coming to her defense.  I can see myself telling her to go for the good boys who don't care about superficial things like prosthetic legs, but she doesn't listen and goes for the bad ones anyways, because she's so strikingly beautiful that every boy wants her; I'll probably have all the same worries as every other parent of a teenage girl.  I can see myself crying like a baby on her wedding day, even if she runs off to Vegas because I'll follow her there.  And I can see her being an amazing mother.  Or she doesn't have to be a mother if she doesn't want kids, she can be an Olympic runner or a doctor or the President.  No matter what, she'll be perfect.

Sorry about the sappy blog post.