Words of encouragement.

These past few weeks have been difficult for me in more ways than I can count.  I've struggled a lot with finding somebody to talk to.  I've been surprised to find that a lot of the words of comfort I've received had only made me feel worse.  And that's only because nobody I know can possibly imagine what I'm going through.  I don't even feel like my husband has any idea.  However, I am happy to have talked to a couple of other moms who have been through similarly tough situations.  Some of those moms had it tougher than I do, knowing prenatally that their baby may not survive.  But I found comfort in the fact that the Lord used those struggles for His plan, and that those women are now stronger and closer to God than they ever were before.

I also spoke to another mom whose daughter was born with fibular hemimelia.  Her words brought me to tears because she so clearly understands what I've been going through.  I've struggled a lot seeing other moms, my friends, family, clients, who all have normal babies.  None of them have to worry about what's going to happen after their child's birth.  None of them have to worry about painful surgeries, treatments, amputations.  It's the most depressing form of jealousy, and it's not something I'm proud of.  I can try to find comfort in God and in others, but I still worry and I still feel sad most of the time.  That's why these words touched me so much:

"I struggled with feeling like my daughter would not be 'normal' and through the years I've realized that I have something even better than normal. I have no doubt that your daughter's life will be a blessing to your family in ways you don't even know right now. She will live a happy, fulfilled life full of joy and part of that will be because of the strong mother you will be to her."

I'm so grateful for all the words of encouragement that I've received, and I can't imagine going through this without the wonderful support system we have in our friends and family.  But I hope that you all can understand that I'm going through something that most people will not understand, and I'm still trying to figure out what I need to cope with it, so if you don't know what to say, that's okay.